FIFA World Cup: Stupid things wannabe fans will say!

Football Fans

The World Cup is about to start and it is perhaps the greatest show on earth. There are millions of people around the world who would be tuned in to watch 32 countries battle it out to win the coveted trophy.

For regular football fans that watch their clubs play every week throughout the year, this is a welcome distraction/extravaganza that will help them deal with the summer break. Unfortunately though, like a moth to a candle, it also attracts all those people who always look to be part of the crowd, especially if it is a big deal. These “fans” cause anywhere between mild irritation to nausea with some of the things they say when you are blissfully watching the game. Here’s a few to keep you on guard.

Whom are you supporting in FIFA?

Definitely not Sepp Blatter, I can tell you that! This question particularly irritates me. I want to think you are actually asking about the candidates who may line up for election to FIFA’s highest seat, in which case you are my BFF. But if you are asking me which team I support, then FIFA is not your point of reference. World Cup, football world cup, Brazil ’14 are all valid pointers. I’ll let you even say FIFA World Cup if you are so attached to that 4 letter word. But just FIFA won’t just give you a bleep; it will also fetch a bop on your head.

I don’t understand the offside rule

Tough luck, now shut up or get out of my sight! It’s a complicated rule, and only the chosen ones can understand what an offside is. If you don’t get it despite the gazillion times I have explained it to you, then you clearly don’t belong. How about you solve the Duckworth-Lewis system first?

Just 1 goal? That’s so boring. They should make the goals bigger

Pardon me while I go search for a hatchet to chop you into pieces! This is not Cricket or American Football which seem to believe bigger scores equal more fun. On the contrary, as football’s world wide popularity proves, less is more. Didn’t you hear that anything that comes easy is not worth it? It is the difficulty of putting together a move that finishes into a goal is what makes the romance of the game so beautiful. Don’t spoil it with your foul theories. See what I did there?

Injury time? Why can’t the referee just stop the clock?

Because football is hipster like that? If the clock was stopped for every small foul on the field, it would never be the beautiful, flowing game it is. And what would football be if it weren’t for the excitement of a game saving goal deep into injury time? How about you enjoy that rather than let your feigned OCD do the talking?

Nobody can bend it like Beckham!

If you think that comment makes you look knowledgeable, you could not be more wrong! David Beckham was neither the first player to bend a free kick nor is he the last. It just shows how much you don’t know about football, so my sincere suggestion would be to not say anything at all. Ever.

I am sure there are many more such statements that you may have come across from your own crowd which make you want to bang your head against the wall. Do share it in the comments so that we can all be wary of them!


Bookworm. Arsenal Addict. Compulsive theorist. I have an opinion on almost everything. The only religion I follow is the gospel of Dennis Bergkamp.

Related Articles & Comments

Popular tags

AAP arvind kejriwal barclays premier league BJP bollywood chelsea congress David Moyes FIFA World Cup fifa world cup 2014 football icc world t20 2014 IPL IPL 14 Lok Sabha polls Manchester United MS Dhoni narendra modi rahul gandhi virat kohli